Joining the LMP friendship circle this week is Jeremy Thao!
Jeremy is many things. He is an artist, he is an active member of the community, he is a celebrator of the Hmong American people. Jeremy is all of these things and more. But in my books, Jeremy is, above all, a companion.
A companion, to me, is someone who I would choose to have by my side in times of pleasure, peace, and pain. A companion is someone who I can rely on to support me without judgement and someone who both wants and makes the effort to get to know me in the ways I want to be known. A companion is someone who I have a secure attachment to so that we can pick up right where we left off without force. A companion is someone who makes me feel safe and energized simply for being myself around them. A companion is someone I intend to hold onto for as long as possible and who I would be heartbroken to lose. A companion is someone who knows that I intend to be there for them in these ways, just as they are there for me.
Companionship is something I take seriously and hold onto dearly. I only have a handful of companions, and each one means the world to me. I am energized by their successes; I am devastated by their struggles; I feel loved and accepted when they include me in their lives.
But I’ve come to realize that not everyone wants companions – at least, not in every friend they make. People seem to be content with surface level, passing friendships whereas I see each new person as a potential friend for life. I always thought (and still prefer to think) that if I serendipitously crossed paths with someone or worked on a project with someone, then we’d share a beautiful, unique bond that would tie us together, sustaining our friendship indefinitely. Imagine my shock to learn that some people just don’t care.
The realization that friendship is largely environmental, circumstantial, and superficial brought a great deal of clarity to me in my friendship-seeking, but I certainly didn’t like it. And, while it’s totally possible to create and to fight for genuine companionships, it does seem that making acquaintances is more popular, accessible, and easier for people to understand.
Along with this grave realization comes the difficult understanding that some “true friends” are seasonal. This seasonality is the hardest part for me to accept, I think. People tend to come into others’ lives for certain reasons – to encourage, to challenge, to share experiences, to mentor, to play with – but when the seasons change and the initial quest is complete, they often drift apart. Sometimes, of course, this separation is appropriate – it would be a bit silly for an elementary school teacher to regularly check on her students after they have advanced from her class. Most separations that I have experienced, though, seem to originate from laziness, dismissiveness, and apathy. And that apathy hurts. A lot. Every time. I am sensitive. And to be blunt, I have never grieved anything more than the loss of friendship.
So, finding an everlasting friend like Jeremy has been rare, which makes me treasure the times that our paths have crossed so far and encourages me to ensure that our paths continue to cross in the future. We are all better for the positive people we let into our lives, and we all deserve to have companions who love us for who we are. I am proud to say that I am better for befriending Jeremy. I am excited to watch him grow as a person and as an artist, and I can’t wait for the adventures in our friendship that await for us ahead.
You can follow Jeremy on Instagram @jeremythao and on Twitter @jeremy_thao
Referenced people and materials:
11 Alive story featuring Jeremy
Artist spotlight project directed by Jeremy & edited by Sarah
Children’s book author, Meg Fleming
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
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