Flying in this week is my set buddy, Dan Eubanks1!
Dan is a little unhinged, I’m not gonna lie. He seems to have two settings: “Professional” and “Party.” When he’s in Professional mode, he is proactive, communicative, and devoted. When he’s in Party mode, he’s a playful yet fleeting social butterfly. I’ve yet to experience full Party-mode Dan. But I can imagine that he has a good time.
I met Dan in Professional mode. He was the first person I met on Harold and the Purple Crayon at the beginning of last year, and he quickly became my first show friend. I also have him to thank for putting in a good word about me to his supervisors that encouraged them to hire me for the whole show.
Unbeknownst to him, Dan was also the first new person in my life who got to see me express myself authentically in my pursuit of play. Up until HATPC, I had been hiding behind my technical skills and burying myself under the tools I needed to practice them. When I booked my first day with HATPC, though, I just needed myself, as I was.
I soon saw that my presence on HATPC was appreciated. Over the course of the shoot, I felt like I could express myself more and more authentically, and I noticed that I was often chosen for side quests, on which I merrily embarked.
I also noticed that I felt drawn to several people on the crew, Dan being one of them. I immediately sensed how passionate he was about his craft – which is always inspiring to me – but something else compelled me about him that I couldn’t quite articulate; it wasn’t his fancy shirts; it wasn’t his endearing way of calling people ‘buddy’ or ‘friend’; it wasn’t even his distinct Southern accent.
It wasn’t until HATPC wrapped that I concluded: Dan is just kinda cool.
Dan is good at talking to people, he’s good at making himself known, and he’s good at measuring his emotions and weighing decisions objectively. Dan just simply exists with presence and does his best to be present within it. And when I recognized this presence, I, of course, wanted to learn from him.
Presence is not something I am particularly skilled at nor am blessed with.
In fact, I would argue that I tend to actively possess or embody the opposite of presence, in all senses of the word:
I make myself smaller around others so that I take up less space
My mind both wanders and hyperfixates on small details, keeping me from focusing on what matters immediately
I’m more naturally inclined to think of myself as a burden than as a gift
Unfortunately, or fortunately, I’ve come to realize that these qualities are all choices. And, not surprisingly, these character-shrinking choices often lead to my being looked over or forgotten by others and also to the self-fulfilling prophecy of not reaching my potential because I hold myself back and deprive myself of authentic exploration.
So, with the intention of cultivating my quest with presence, I’ve chosen to:
Continue pursuing play to build self-confidence, even if that means I have to give myself permission to take up space
Welcome flow into my adventure activities, my work, my leisure, and my art so that I can relax and fully enjoy my time
Hold space for the people I surround myself with, remembering that they, too, want to feel seen and heard
Foster appreciation for myself for showing up when challenged
Acknowledge the gifts I give to others for simply being me.
Towards the end of production on HATPC, I got myself a copy of the book it’s based on and had some of the crew sign it like a yearbook. I, at first, felt very awkward and a little embarrassed to ask people to sign. But I’ve always loved physical ephemera, and I knew that having this book of messages would be an authentic act of self care.
So, I was brave.
My little book was soon filled with love and memories, and each inscription made my heart a little fuller. The crew seemed to enjoy signing, too.
My memento now sits atop my bookshelf, by the entrance to my kitchen. It stands upright in such a way that some of the messages are visible if you steal a glance when walking by. Among them is a message that never fails to make me smile and always warms my heart. It reads:
ALWAYS BE YOU.
DON’T EVER CHANGE.
-DAN
I met Dan at exactly the right time in exactly the right way that I needed to. He did so much more than help me get the gig I’d had my heart set on for months – he appreciated me for me. And for his warmth, he’ll always be welcome in my presence.
Verse-jump into Dan’s Side Quest episode to hear about his experience working on EEAAO. Peep Dan’s film credits on IMDB and his photography on Instagram. And if you’re in the ATL area, invite him to create and to party!
Select referenced materials:
Harold and the Purple Crayon (2023)
Sorry to Bother You (2018)
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Share this post