We’re blasting off again! And launching us off, loud and proud, is Sarah’s college buddy, Tanner Methven!
I said it once, and I’ll say it again – Tanner is a buddy. He is friendly, he is bombastic, and he is proud to show up for those he cares for.
Tanner and I met in an intermediate film production course in college, and we got to know each other through the many lenses of amateur filmmaking as well as through an assortment of card and video games. Some of my most cherished college chapter memories were made in Tanner’s presence, as he always got “the boys” together for game nights and movies.
I became quite accustomed to Friday night game nights at Tanner’s, and I very much missed them when my college chapter closed. Lucky for me, through the very specific mediums of pop-culture memes and Snapchats of classical Hollywood cinema, mine and Tanner’s friendship remained strong following our departure from Wilmington. And even luckier, we both wound up moving down to Atlanta where more shenanigans ensued.
In Atlanta, Tanner became the even gluier glue of our friend group. Because so many alums from our program moved to Atlanta with us, we had the treat of camaraderie, and Tanner often took it upon himself to get us all together. We had game nights and parties and nights out on the town. We made films together, and we even had a mini film festival to roast screen our old student films, which Tanner organized and hosted.
We had a couple of golden years in ATL, but life brought changes and ultimately brought Tanner back to his hometown. While we’re very much still in contact, Tanner’s absence is felt, and his big heart is missed.
Among the many things to miss about him, Tanner is not afraid to let his voice be heard. From astute insights on politics, history, and film theory to raunchy, drunken observations shouted with impressive breath control and at an incredible decibel, Tanner speaks loudly and confidently, with a voice that will only ever be his own.
This juxtaposition of his distinct, bold voice paired with his caring and sensitive disposition makes up the authentic character of Tanner Methven.
Tanner’s ability to speak for himself with clarity in academic and social settings was immediately inspiring to me. In him, I saw both gregariousness and scholarship, which was a bit of a novelty among the student cinephiles. He had a lot of charisma1, and he honestly reminded me a bit of my brother. So, I took to Tanner quite naturally and always looked up to him.
Our friendship clicked on many levels2, but I think Tanner’s pronounced character is what initially drew me to him. When we met, I was still very insecure in my identity3, and I never knew how to authentically express myself. Instead of sharing my true self consistently, I very consciously changed my behavior to fit each situation, always hoping to please the people with whom I interacted. As a result, I always felt that I was playing characters rather than defining and developing my own.
Some roles were easier to step into than others. The roles of “student” and “daughter,” for example, came easiest, as I hadn’t ever known them not to be true. Roles that required definition through experience, though, challenged me greatly. I remember having a hard time defining the role of “sister,” and I have yet to fully understand and develop the role of “romantic companion.”
Characters requiring a straightforward, outlined process to assume the role were challenging but achievable for me to play. Many of these roles also required training elements, so I think I was further motivated to assume these roles through my curiosity and love of learning4. I often found myself in these performance or leadership roles, not always because I wanted to be in them but because I both literally and figuratively understood the assignment.
Ironically – or, perhaps, not – I faced challenge when developing characters in an Intro. Acting class in college. Up until this point, my understanding of performance was to learn the lines/choreography/blocking and to recite it to the director’s liking, using previous iterations of characters as the model, if available. That's valid. But my professor introduced me to the concept that characters should also be shaped by the experience of the player, meaning that each player should bring their truths into each role assumed.
That direction was uncomfy.
Upon receipt of that note, I felt as if I was treading water in molasses. It removed everything that had previously felt safe to me about performance – namely, hiding behind defined characters with known paths and destinations. From that note on, I noticeably struggled with the improv. exercises and the scene work because I just didn’t feel like I knew how to share myself truthfully. I came to dread going to that class and any other class or event where my voice might be needed; I dreaded being perceived.
But all the while, part of me wanted to come out and play5. So I danced in the Irish dance club, and I performed in the wind ensembles, and I even got to be a small part of a Main Stage production by crazy, random happenstance.
I buried myself in work following graduation. But this year, since I have given myself permission to play, I have played more characters than ever through background and stand-in work on set, and I have been having oodles of fun bringing myself to each of these roles.
It has been interesting testing my current comfort levels with truth telling in performance, now that I have lived a little more and have developed some truths about myself. While I don’t have any immediate plans to return to the stage, I have noticed that this podcast has helped me practice presence with myself and with others, and I have also seen growth in sharing myself when I catch up with friends.
And share I have!
Seeing Tanner in ATL this year encouraged me to consider my own character more deeply. I reflected on how much I let anxiety and reservation dictate my thoughts and actions back in 2015 when we met, and I realized that I have grown measurably in self-confidence, self-efficacy, and self-worth since our meeting; I still feel like the same person, there’s just more of me to share.
When Tanner came down for the Atlanta Film Festival, he crashed in my extra (empty) room, and we did a bunch of fun, ATL things. We met up with lots of our friends and stopped by some of our old haunts and felt very fancy attending the festival with our free All Access passes (though we only went to one film: Marcel the Shell With Shoes On).
Through this visit – and the course of our friendship so far – Tanner has always encouraged me to share a little more of myself, and I am very grateful to have him to practice sharing with.
It seems that, wherever he goes, Tanner encourages those he comes across to think freely, to challenge his opinions, and to express themselves in any medium they see fit. He wants to know the truest versions of those he cares about, and I think that’s a beautiful thing.
Part of Tanner’s character is to ensure that the people around him feel loved. In my experience, that love is felt through shared food, fun, and laughter, through playful banter and affectionate teasing, and through awkwardly magical experiences. Thinking of all our memories – good, bad, and strange – warms my heart. And each memory never fails to make me smile, shake my head, and mutter under my breath, “Classic Tanner.”
Select referenced people and materials:
Missing Link (2019)
The Power of the Dog (2021)
Final Fantasy Series (Specifically, XIV: Shadowbringers)
Turning Red (2022)
Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
The Odyssey (Homer)
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Which probably means he spent a lot of time talking to himself in a mirror, if ya know what I mean.
One of which was probably a trauma-bond, making a short film together.
My Human Design reading will tell you that this is because my identity is undefined and that I’m fulfilled by wearing lots of hats ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I became the high school Drum Major and a Group Exercise Instructor in college without much philosophical effort, for example.
After all, I am a Leo rising.
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